Coaching, discipleship

Embrace the Biblical Tension

The Bible has many examples where God says there are two or more truths that must held in a tension. Often God’s truth is both/and nor either/or.

A journey with God begins when we fear God… A journey with God is discovering He is love.

No one comes to the Father unless drawn by the Father. We come to the Father as we believe in Jesus as our Lord who came to save us and offers us eternal life.

The Holy Spirit distributes spiritual gifts. I have a responsibility to steward and wisely invest all I have received. SO, where does my skills or talents begin and God’s gifting begins?

Here is a tension for everyone to reflect on and apply. I am personally responsible before God for my choices. God works in a life giving way to make my character more and more like Jesus. BOTH ARE TRUE.

Here is a quote for the personal responsibility side of this tension. Go back to the root of formation —- examining carefully your thoughts and beliefs.

“Watch your thoughts; for they become words.

Watch your words; for they become actions.

Watch your actions; for they become habits.

Watch your habits; for they become character.

Watch your character for it will become your destiny.” Frank Outlaw —

I welcome your comments!


No Excuses — Do not walk in FEAR. Step out in FAITH.

DrRoyKing_5How often do I say to myself that I trust God?  I echo it many times during the day that I know He is good.  I know He is with me and for me.  Yet, if you watch how I respond to what I encounter in my day you would often think that I was living in a world that was out of control, unpredictable and ready to crash.  I find myself moving into paralysis.  The other morning when I was feeling this way and was even praying out of that kind of fearful spirit God’s whisper to me was a kind rebuke, “Roy, No more excuses!  Do NOT walk in fear over this situation. Trust me  and step out in faith.”  It was so clear I stopped to write it in my journal.

Did I know what a courageous step of faith should be in this situation?  YES.  Did I want to take it?  No.  It would make a mess of my schedule, possibly costing me time and money.  It would sure cause discomfort to seek out, spend time with and ask some hard questions of another person.  Fear was being fed by my awareness of the sacrifice.

But sacrifice is the language of love.  And I am called to love God and others.  So — okay God — let’s go.  I am stepping out by faith that you will  be more than enough for what I am facing.

Questions Coaches Hear

The Person/s Supervising Me are Not Leading Me Well. What Should I do?”

THE Critical Question for you to answer, “Can I trust the character/heart of the person/s over me even when I have good reason to not trust their competence in handling the situation we are facing?”

If you answer, “No” to that question; pray and ask God if you should leave the position.  The Bible warns of the danger of leaders with corrupt character creating a wake of destruction.  OR …At least know how to pray and be very cautious.

If you answer “Yes” realize that the poor exercise of competence can still sink the organization, wound people including you, and generally make a mess.  The lack of or poor communication or a hundred other poorly executed skills related to leading, managing and empowering others still spells poor supervision.


Skills can be learned and practiced and improved in many cases if a supervisor is humble and teachable.

SO — what do you think and do?

Think — I should not assume that someone over me knows how to lead me well.  Your supervisor/s are not mind readers and often do not have a good feel of what you need to carry out your responsibilities.  They are too concerned about their own work to know yours well.  They often hired you to do what they do not have time or desire to do.

Do  —  Inform the supervisor/s what you need to be empowered and effective in your responsibilities.  List your vital contributions to the organization.  Then describe what you need now or in the near future to be effective.  Sit down and discuss the list — even when it includes items such as, “Limit surprises that disrupt my day or week… they confuse my priorities and push me out of clarity into crisis reaction.” Be honest but realistic about the nature of the workplace.  Lead UP the way you want to be addressed by someone UNDER you.


Remember that you work FOR them.  Do not assume that you know their preferred work language.  Ask questions and then be diligent to lay down your own preferences, if necessary, to use their language.  WHAT IS A WORK LANGUAGE?

Examples of questions that uncover work language or style?

  1. How do you prefer to communicate?  (face to face planned meetings, as you walk by, e-mail, text, phone, etc.,)
  2. How do you prefer to address conflict? (write up summary and then ask to meet to follow-up, over lunch, etc.,)
  3. How do you prefer to evaluate results? (standard reports of benchmarks, surveys, daily tasks accomplished, etc.,)
  4. How do you prefer to handle personal non-work issues in my life? (leave it at home, let’s have coffee, at weekly meeting, etc.,)

Bottom Line — We are ALL developing competence in leading UP to those over us and DOWN to those under us.  Stay humble and ask this question, “What am I doing that is making your job more challenging or difficult?” Then listen, act on what you hear and follow up in a few weeks to see if you have improved.